Oh, my sweet, simple Drink Koozie.
On these hot and humid days, you prove yourself tenfold.
No longer do important papers stick to a condensation ring on my desk. Never again do I have to stand uncomfortably as an iced coffee drips water down my arm. Forever I am saved from melting ice water making a mess of my life because I have you, you little promotional gem.
And that’s your other beauty: you remind me of my favorite things. Whether it’s a radio station, a food product, or a TV show, I got you because I loved something enough to get it. Or you were handed to me at a fair. Or I randomly found you. Either way, you directly or indirectly my three favorite things: free, random, productive products.
So, it’s safe to say this is love. You’re a year round necessity that makes me appear more put together.
You, dear Koozie, are sacred in my books.
Leave me alone.
I have absolutely no interest in finding myself further in debt by opening up another card.
And let’s be real, racking up a little extra debt is tempting when I have only $13 in my bank account. Your shiny, plastic temptations come when I want to rip open those envelopes the most.
But you’re only out to hurt me. You’re only out to ruin my credit. Which is ironic because your a credit company.
And, to add further insult, you’re letters are inconvenient to throw away. I have to shred them to prevent someone else jacking up my credit after they steal my identity. I have $13 to my name and I don’t own a shredder – stop making my life hard.
I’m working to bring down my debt. I got a second job and I’m freezing my current credit card. I don’t buy coffee out anymore. In making significant changes to better my financial situation.
Stop pre approving me. Stop tempting me. Leave me alone to work off my debt in peace.
You and I…
…how do I put this?
You and I, well, we’ve never been close.
We’ve had our good days and we’ve had our bad. Remember that time I thought I could walk into a gym and just bust out a 2 mile jog? Yeah, that was a bad time.
And a lot of people just seem to get along with you effortlessly. It gets me thinking that you might just be nicer to other people. And for some reason, they have a better time hanging out with you.
I’m hoping that I can get to that point with you. See, I’m tired of feeling all blobby and I hear you help make a person less blobby. We should work great together, right? We’re aiming for the same goals. Diet and I got to a good place and I’m hoping you and I can do so as well. Maybe we can all hang out together?
So, listen, I’m putting in some effort right now, can you maybe meet me halfway? Make it go smoothly ? Teach me how to look like those girls with the high ponytails and pretty workout outfits? The ones that don’t sweat. Yeah, teach me to be like them. You do that and we’re golden.
We’ve got this,
Wherever you go, whatever you play, your music brings joy to the citizens and tourists of Boston.
And you always seem to know when I need a smile. As your paws work that Keytar, I can’t help but feel my day brighten. Even without my morning coffee, when I hear your groovy beats, it’s like I had a double cappuccino. There will be times that I’m on my way home from work and I’m burdened with the day’s stress and, right then, I look up and there you are! Just like that, my stress goes away.
In short, you’re all that’s right with the world!
I hope to run into you soon.
You, yes, You, are a good person.
For starters you buy printed newspapers still. And not like the Boston Globe in print but your local town paper. In print. Do you know how cool that is? Supporting local companies is a clutch move. And beyond just buying these newspapers, you interact with them. I’ve seen you tear out coupons, finished a sudoku, and diligently read the paper from start to finish. This seems to be a ritual of yours.
And I totally approve.
Then you did something that floored me. You got up, found your purse, and then you took one step towards the dining car before turning back and saying:
Do you want a coffee?
You’ve never met me. We’ve exchanged small pleasantries but otherwise we’ve sat in our respective silences. Yet, regardless, you offered to buy me a coffee.
Before today, I didn’t know that good people like you existed. You are the stuff of legends. A mystical mermaid, if you will.
So thank you for the coffee. I hope you enjoy your paper.
With warm regards,