Dear Drink Koozie,

Oh, my sweet, simple Drink Koozie.

On these hot and humid days, you prove yourself tenfold.

No longer do important papers stick to a condensation ring on my desk.  Never again do I have to stand uncomfortably as an iced coffee drips water down my arm.  Forever I am saved from melting ice water making a mess of my life because I have you, you little promotional gem.

And that’s your other beauty: you remind me of my favorite things.  Whether it’s a radio station, a food product, or a TV show, I got you because I loved something enough to get it.  Or you were handed to me at a fair.  Or I randomly found you.  Either way, you directly or indirectly my three favorite things: free, random, productive products.

So, it’s safe to say this is love.  You’re a year round necessity that makes me appear more put together.

You, dear Koozie, are sacred in my books.

Love,

Olivia

Dear Keytar Bear,

Wherever you go, whatever you play, your music brings joy to the citizens and tourists of Boston.

And you always seem to know when I need a smile.  As your paws work that Keytar, I can’t help but feel my day brighten.  Even without my morning coffee, when I hear your groovy beats, it’s like I had a double cappuccino.  There will be times that I’m on my way home from work and I’m burdened with the day’s stress and, right then, I look up and there you are! Just like that, my stress goes away.

In short, you’re all that’s right with the world!

I hope to run into you soon.

Your fan,

Olivia

Dear Doppelgänger,

I haven’t met you yet.

But I know you’re out there…somewhere.

Sometimes when I’m bored but need to look alert, instead of diving into a Words with Friends game, I’ll scan the crowds for your face…er…my face.  Chances are slim that I’ll ever gaze upon our shared characteristics but it doesn’t mean I’m not eager for it to happen.

Perhaps my eagerness stems from a Parent Trap fantasy in which I met you (not my twin necessarily but close enough) and we fight at first but then we become like sisters and finally mess with our families.  I know, I know, that’s no where near the plot of the Parent Trap but it’s my take away.

If you’re out there, Doppelgänger, I hope we’ll beat the odds and cross paths.

See you someday,

Olivia

Dear Heatwave,

Listen Bro, we’ve got some problems.

To start, your incessant temperature spikes drive me insane.  Who enjoys weather that is well into the 90’s? I didn’t like the 90’s even when I was growing up in the 90’s, okay? There is nothing fun you can do in this weather.  The beach is unbearable.  Sitting in the shade is a bit better but still far from enjoyable.  Work is bearable because that’s where I can find air conditioning.  And Sleep? Forget it.  You’ve ruined my relationship with Sleep for the foreseeable future.

Then there are the people who are excited for your arrival.  You know who your supporters are — those people who “run cold” and need to lay out in the sun on a rock in order to generate body heat.  These amphibious individuals confound me.  How does the harsh sun you brought to the party not causes these people have sweat slowly dribbling down their lower back? It’s not normal.

There are so many things about you that I can’t stand.  And, quite frankly, I think I may hate you.

I know that nothing I say to you will make you leave faster but I do think I saw a back to school commercial the other day which means Fall isn’t far away and that means cold air is just a few more weeks.  Until then, I’ll battle you with my trusty Fan.

Waiting for you to leave,

Olivia

Dear Fans,

I’m a huge fan of yours.

Seriously, no one thinks about you until a heat wave hits and then every corner of my house has you in it.  You sleep closer to me in bed than my partner does, gently caressing my skin with moving air until I’m lulled to sleep.

There are days when it’s just you and I against the world.  I sit in front of you, naked and sweating, while you defend me from the heat.  You are my knight in white-caged armor keeping me safe from temperatures nearing the mid 90’s.

May you ever oscillate at a consistent rate!

Your biggest fan,

Olivia