Dear Exercise,

You and I…

…how do I put this?

You and I, well, we’ve never been close.

We’ve had our good days and we’ve had our bad.  Remember that time I thought I could walk into a gym and just bust out a 2 mile jog? Yeah, that was a bad time.

And a lot of people just seem to get along with you effortlessly.  It gets me thinking that you might just be nicer to other people.  And for some reason, they have a better time hanging out with you.

I’m hoping that I can get to that point with you.  See, I’m tired of feeling all blobby and I hear you help make a person less blobby. We should work great together, right? We’re aiming for the same goals.  Diet and I got to a good place and I’m hoping you and I can do so as well.  Maybe we can all hang out together?

So, listen, I’m putting in some effort right now, can you maybe meet me halfway? Make it go smoothly ? Teach me how to look like those girls with the high ponytails and pretty workout outfits? The ones that don’t sweat.  Yeah, teach me to be like them.  You do that and we’re golden.

We’ve got this,

Olivia

Dear Chipotle,

I decided I needed to eat better and I tried to give you up, cold burrito.

This was nearly an impossible task.

No burrito bowls. Need I say more? Oh yes, no guac(amole).

You are at the corner of the street I work on, taunting me with your tastiness (not cool, by the way, not cool) and telling me that I could give in.  Like a working gal, you stand on that corner, and whisper seductively in my ear as I walk by: burrito bowls, guac, guac and burrito bowls.  You are quite the temptress, Chipotle.

This decision equals to that time I decided I could pull of a short hair cut and that it would be especially more amazing if I cut it myself on the Olivia’s Bad Decision Meter.

So today, I was blogling (rambling around blogs), and I found this site dedicated to low-cal meals at Chipotle and I nearly passed out due to the excitement.

I could have you! I could have all the burrito bowls and all the guac that I could ever want (sort of).  I could sit inside your oddly stainless steel interior without shame.  I could give in to your temptations again!

Honestly I don’t know how I survived for so long without you.

Gone were the visions of dancing bowls of rice in my head! Gone were the shakes from my withdrawals.  And gone was the incessant crying that my roommate had to hear every night as I fetaled in my room and remembered a time before I decided to eat well.

Life was good again.

Life was burrito bowl-y again.

Life was filled with you again.

Welcome back, Chipotle.

See you around,

Olivia

Dear Diet,

You’re a dirty, four-lettered word.

No offense.

But when I scarf down a bag of Tostotos while binge-watching Veronica Mars I automatically think to myself:

Maybe I need to start watching less TV.

And then, in whispered thinking:

Maybe I need to go on a … Diet

It’s not that I think you are generally a bad concept, it’s just that you have a lot of negative conotations. Personally there are the anxieties that people find me unappealing due to my weight – a thought that manifested and found room to stay in my mind around middle school. You were what I went on to make people generally find me more beautiful. Then there are the socially acceptable ideas of “beauty.” The Sticks, like my sisters, that America considers beautiful. My sisters are beautiful, mind you, but for who they are not because of American values on size.

So, yeah, I find you detestable. But, as you can see, this isn’t because of you but everyone that surrounds you.

However, I moved to this city and, removed from all I knew, I realized you are truly a four-letter word. And I am only as beautiful as I see myself. You resemble the way we eat, not how we should eat. Once I removed your stigma and looked at myself as a person and not an object, I realized that you, my four-lettered friend, just needed to be approached on the basis of feeling. What I eat and how that food makes me feel.

For instance, that bag of chips I just ate made me feel groggy, uncomfortably full, and like I need to displace all that sodium with a gallon of water. Does this mean that i need to swear off chips forever? Fuck no My goodness, no. It means I need to approach that bag with a little more awareness so I don’t eat an entire bag and feel this way again.

So, Diet, maybe you aren’t a dirty, four-letter word. Maybe you are simply an innocent bystander that was affected by the American value on the ideal beauty just as I had been.

What do you say we join forces and knock those ideals to the ground?

See you around,
Olivia