You and I…
…how do I put this?
You and I, well, we’ve never been close.
We’ve had our good days and we’ve had our bad. Remember that time I thought I could walk into a gym and just bust out a 2 mile jog? Yeah, that was a bad time.
And a lot of people just seem to get along with you effortlessly. It gets me thinking that you might just be nicer to other people. And for some reason, they have a better time hanging out with you.
I’m hoping that I can get to that point with you. See, I’m tired of feeling all blobby and I hear you help make a person less blobby. We should work great together, right? We’re aiming for the same goals. Diet and I got to a good place and I’m hoping you and I can do so as well. Maybe we can all hang out together?
So, listen, I’m putting in some effort right now, can you maybe meet me halfway? Make it go smoothly ? Teach me how to look like those girls with the high ponytails and pretty workout outfits? The ones that don’t sweat. Yeah, teach me to be like them. You do that and we’re golden.
We’ve got this,
People always assume that you can’t function like humans. You can’t communicate and you can’t feel human emotion. All they think you can do is crave human flesh in a moaning and drooling fashion.
Well, in the off-chance that those naysayers are wrong, I’m writing you this letter.
meraerahdruuuuuuuummmmm? You may ask.
Well, I’ll tell you why, Zombie Friend!
I’m writing you this letter to thank you for the new burst of motivation you’ve brought to my daily run!
It all started when a coworker suggested that I download this app, “Zombies, Run!”
And I’ve been running longer and faster ever since because, you see, there’s something about learning that one of you is closing in on me that causes a near-death thrill to seep in and gets me sprinting to the finish line! Gone are the days of mundane playlists to keep me motivated. Ever since I got this app, I’ve learned that running can be as fun as playing “Left 4 Dead” but with all the training that will actually come in handy should your apocalypse ruin this world.
Now, do I run the mission? Nah – but I’m getting close! I stay on the treadmill or the elliptical for the entire thing. I push myself through and I keep moving. And, when it comes down to it, that’s all that matters!
Thanks Zombies, you’re keeping me fit and trim!
Evading you always,