Dear Work Day,

You should only be part of my day.

A typical weekday should have the following aspects:

  • A morning part: Where I wake up, lie in bed until the last second, brush my teeth, make breakfast.  It’s a hurried part of my day but only because I make it that way so I’m ready to jump into you.
  • You (Part I): Where I sit at a desk for 3.5 hours.  Starring at a screen, getting coffee, making copies, starring at a screen, getting more coffee, opening Excel, starring at a screen, sneaking Trivia Crack on my phone.
  • Lunch: An hour of pure bliss in which I either go to the gym, read a book, or watch an episode of Chopped on my phone.  Essentially it’s an hour in the middle of you where I can do whatever I so choose.
  • You (Part II): Where I repeat Part I but with less coffee so that I can fall asleep.
  • An evening part: Where I get on a crowded train, head up to the Bronx, make a beautiful dinner, pet the cat, watch TV, write blog posts and watch more TV.  The Evening Part is the best part because I get to do the sleeping part in this part.

See? It’s kind of nice how this day is laid out.  You are a major part of it.  You make up an entire 7 hours of my day (that’s 35 hours a week) or 30% of my day if you are a math-minded non-human.  I don’t know why but I assume that you are probably a math-minded non-human.

But the problem began when you started taking up more than double of my day.  That means you were cutting  into the lunch part, the evening part, and most of the morning part.  A lunch hour, I can give that up to make sure a project gets done in time, sure, that’s just good work ethic.  Staying a little late or coming in a little early with the goal of completing a task on time seems worth it.  But it’s all three and I’m staying later and later day after day with little change, then I know that You, Work Day, are taking up too much of my time.

It’s not me it’s you.

Which is why I’m putting my foot down.  You are now only 7 hours of my day and nothing more.  9:30 to 5:30.  I’ve missed the Morning and Evening parts too much.  I’m behind on my Chopped episodes.  I’m slower on the treadmill.

So, you stick to your 7 hours and let me live the rest of the 17 hours the way I see fit.

No more crazy hours from you.

Sincerely,

Olivia

Dear Cooking Shows,

The other night I was hungry.  Like really hungry.    And you were making something smothered in butter and love and that’s all I wanted in my mouth (that’s what she said) at that time.  So, during the commercial breaks I kept jumping off the couch, looking for something that would be considered even close to what you were making.  And, as always, there was nothing in there because I hadn’t gone to the store.

Seriously, this relationship is getting a little toxic.  As I write this in a coffee shop, I had to get up and get food even thinking about those shows; you make me hungry for the bad/good things in life and that’s why I’ll never be able to rid myself you.  I tend to enjoy all those salty/sweet, hot/cold, good/bad combos and, since you embody all of that, you are the reason I will never go cold-turkey and will always have food ordered about thirty minutes after you turn on.

Don’t worry, you’ll get my bill for the gym.

The least you can do is keep me from gaining all that weight that I could.

Don’t forget the butter,

Olivia