Oh, my sweet, simple Drink Koozie.
On these hot and humid days, you prove yourself tenfold.
No longer do important papers stick to a condensation ring on my desk. Never again do I have to stand uncomfortably as an iced coffee drips water down my arm. Forever I am saved from melting ice water making a mess of my life because I have you, you little promotional gem.
And that’s your other beauty: you remind me of my favorite things. Whether it’s a radio station, a food product, or a TV show, I got you because I loved something enough to get it. Or you were handed to me at a fair. Or I randomly found you. Either way, you directly or indirectly my three favorite things: free, random, productive products.
So, it’s safe to say this is love. You’re a year round necessity that makes me appear more put together.
You, dear Koozie, are sacred in my books.
Leave me alone.
I have absolutely no interest in finding myself further in debt by opening up another card.
And let’s be real, racking up a little extra debt is tempting when I have only $13 in my bank account. Your shiny, plastic temptations come when I want to rip open those envelopes the most.
But you’re only out to hurt me. You’re only out to ruin my credit. Which is ironic because your a credit company.
And, to add further insult, you’re letters are inconvenient to throw away. I have to shred them to prevent someone else jacking up my credit after they steal my identity. I have $13 to my name and I don’t own a shredder – stop making my life hard.
I’m working to bring down my debt. I got a second job and I’m freezing my current credit card. I don’t buy coffee out anymore. In making significant changes to better my financial situation.
Stop pre approving me. Stop tempting me. Leave me alone to work off my debt in peace.
You and I…
…how do I put this?
You and I, well, we’ve never been close.
We’ve had our good days and we’ve had our bad. Remember that time I thought I could walk into a gym and just bust out a 2 mile jog? Yeah, that was a bad time.
And a lot of people just seem to get along with you effortlessly. It gets me thinking that you might just be nicer to other people. And for some reason, they have a better time hanging out with you.
I’m hoping that I can get to that point with you. See, I’m tired of feeling all blobby and I hear you help make a person less blobby. We should work great together, right? We’re aiming for the same goals. Diet and I got to a good place and I’m hoping you and I can do so as well. Maybe we can all hang out together?
So, listen, I’m putting in some effort right now, can you maybe meet me halfway? Make it go smoothly ? Teach me how to look like those girls with the high ponytails and pretty workout outfits? The ones that don’t sweat. Yeah, teach me to be like them. You do that and we’re golden.
We’ve got this,
Wherever you go, whatever you play, your music brings joy to the citizens and tourists of Boston.
And you always seem to know when I need a smile. As your paws work that Keytar, I can’t help but feel my day brighten. Even without my morning coffee, when I hear your groovy beats, it’s like I had a double cappuccino. There will be times that I’m on my way home from work and I’m burdened with the day’s stress and, right then, I look up and there you are! Just like that, my stress goes away.
In short, you’re all that’s right with the world!
I hope to run into you soon.
I haven’t met you yet.
But I know you’re out there…somewhere.
Sometimes when I’m bored but need to look alert, instead of diving into a Words with Friends game, I’ll scan the crowds for your face…er…my face. Chances are slim that I’ll ever gaze upon our shared characteristics but it doesn’t mean I’m not eager for it to happen.
Perhaps my eagerness stems from a Parent Trap fantasy in which I met you (not my twin necessarily but close enough) and we fight at first but then we become like sisters and finally mess with our families. I know, I know, that’s no where near the plot of the Parent Trap but it’s my take away.
If you’re out there, Doppelgänger, I hope we’ll beat the odds and cross paths.
See you someday,